


Before the Storm

by OrmondSacker



Series: Fulcra [9]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Dating, Finn Skywalker, First Time, Flirting, Fluff, Force-Sensitive Finn, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 19:50:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7946902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker/pseuds/OrmondSacker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day before Finn's infiltration team leaves to lead the Resistance strike against the First Order in the Kelrodo-Ai system the rush of preparations finally winds down, and our heroes find time from themselves and the people important to them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S ALIVE!
> 
> And a great thank you to that one of my readers who sent me writing advice on tumblr when I was struggling with this. Without you this might never have got done. I'm not sure who you are, but thank you so much.

Finn turned over the Stormtrooper helmet in his hands, watching as the light from the shuttle's interior reflected of the shining white surface.

He was alone in the command shuttle. The four others had long since left to go eat, play games and relax until it was time for bed.

They were all as ready as they were going to get. The armors were polished and neatly packed in the lockers, ready to be worn the next day, so was Rey's crisply pressed officer's uniform. There was nothing more that he or anyone could do now.

Still Finn had remained behind. He'd barely had a single moment purely to himself since they'd come up with the plan for the strike against the First Order in the Kelrodo-Ai system and he felt desperate for some time alone to think about things.

Nervously he turned over the helmet, looking into its interior.

Putting on this armor again had been an uncomfortable experience. When he had discard his back on Jakku he had sworn to himself that he'd _never_ wear it again.

But now he felt he had to. He supposed he could have sent someone else in his stead. They had schematics over the First Order Star Destroyers that were accurate enough that a team should be able to find the two shield generator locations without his assistance, but it hadn't felt right to do no. No matter how uncomfortable a fit that armor was.

The mission was risky and they'd need every advantage the had to pull it off successfully, sending a team where no one were familiar with the layout of the Star Destroyer or with First Order conduct would add yet another risk factor. An unnecessary one.

So Finn had put on the armor.

What bothered him most was how easy it had been. He hadn't had to think at all, his body remembered exactly where every piece should go and in which order they should be put on. It was almost as if he had never taken it off in the first place.

The nightmares didn't help any either. Maybe he should say _the_ nightmare, they were all variations over the same theme. Zeroes having bee captured, then killed and then the world bursting into fire and darkness. How he was caught differed as did who killed him, sometimes it was Finn, sometimes another Stormtrooper and sometimes he couldn't tell who did it, but always Zeroes died.

Sighing Finn looked at the helmet one more time, then he put it on its self in the locker and closed the door.

The locker, like the rest of the shuttle was pristine white, black and metallic gray. Unlike the Resistance's materiel where everything seemed to be cobbled together by three different things – two of which had nothing to do with the item's ultimate purpose, but had been hijacked for it – and was at least a decade old.

He liked it better here, even if things didn't always work.

Finn walked slowly through the shuttle, trying to recenter himself. He knew he was going to need it. Pretending – no _being_ – a Stormtrooper again, even just for a little while, was not something he was looking forward to, but he thought he could do it.

Maybe things would look better after a full night's sleep.

He hoped so, because they were leaving in the morning no matter how he felt.

Finn just hoped Poe would be around later, they had barely seen each other in the past two weeks both working overtime to get everyone ready. But at least Finn had slept, which he wondered if Poe had done. Most times when the nightmare woke him, the bed beside him would be empty. Which not only made it harder to get back to sleep than usually, but also made him worry about his boyfriend. He had meant to talk to Poe about it, but it was one more thing he hadn't found the time to do anything about.

As he walked down the ramp Finn looked about the hangar, finding it empty except for a few techs who were putting the final touch on the fighters. He locked down the shuttle, thinking about what he should do next.

He felt to wired to nap, his head far too full of thoughts to relax, nor did he feel like having company.

His morning runs had shown him that he enjoyed solitude sometimes, something he'd never really had as a Stormtrooper. There had always been people around him in the First Order, squad mates, instructors, officers. Even as a child they had been kept in groups constantly and while he did enjoy being with others he had grown to appreciate having time alone.

Maybe he should go for a run. Another thing he hadn't had the chance to do in the past two weeks.

Yes, a run felt like a good idea and maybe the physical exertion would help clear his head.

 

**oOoOo**

 

Poe leaned in over the briefing table, resting on his hands, his gaze fixed on the holographic battle map hovering over it. His eyes were burning from lack of sleep. He rubbed slowly them as he tried his best to ignore the sensation.

He and Karé had put the battle plan together along with Admiral Statura. It all had to be timed to the minute, with far less give that any experienced soldier preferred, but if they struck too soon they'd jeopardize Finn and his team on board the Star Destroyer _Ultimatum_. If they on the other hand were too tardy they'd loose any advantage and the _Ultimatum_ would just jump out of the system before they had a chance to engage it only to return with a vengeance later.

Three days into the planning word had come back to the Resistance that Calrissian had secured the two promised Dreadnoughts. Statura had left to take over command and get acquainted with the ship. The plan was to let the Dreadnoughts engage and destroy the First Order's Heavy Cruisers while the fighter squadrons led by Poe and Karé would eliminate the _Ultimatum_.

Even with the shields down Poe knew it would be a tall order for them all and he had run drill upon drill with the pilots until they were all ready to kill him for it, but he knew they had to get this _right_. There would be no second chances given.

The cost in lives lost was something Poe tried very hard not to think about.

Poe rubbed his forehead, trying to banish the ever present headache that had chosen this moment to make Poe aware that it was still around.

His returned his attention to the battle plans.

He wanted, _needed_ , this to be perfect.

The map flickered and vanished.

Frowning Poe hit the button to bring it back up only to have it immediately shut off again.

 _Damn time to have the thing go glitchy._ “Enough, Commander!”

Looking up, Poe found general Organa to the side of the table hand over the switch.

“Your dedication is commendable,” she continued her voice stern. “But enough really is enough. You're running yourself and your people ragged. At this pace they will have nothing left for the battle itself.”

“I've put everyone on downtime until we leave,” Poe said defensively.

He knew he had been hard in the last few days, even Snap had complained in the end and he never did. Okay, maybe a little more than a bit, but this was important. But he knew they'd need rest before the battle, and with Finn's team leaving tomorrow and his squadrons the day after, there was little more that could be done so he had sent them off. Then he had decided to have just one more look at the battle plans.

“And what about yourself?” Leia folded her arms as she studied him. “It isn't just your pilots you've been running hard. I have eyes, Commander. How much time have you spent working where you should have been resting? How many hours of sleep have you had in the last week Commander? Four per night? Two?”

Poe looked away, uncomfortable with how close the general's observation came to the truth. Finn had been so busy training that he'd just crashed when he came back to their quarters, either not noticing or not commenting on the fact that Poe was hardly ever there when he went to sleep nor when he woke.

“There has been a lot that needed to be done in very short time-”

“And there are more people than you who can do most of it,” general Organa said in a matter of fact tone. “Commander Dameron, if you are not fit to fly the day after tomorrow I will ground you and give captain Kun command of the squadrons.”

Poe felt like he had been struck by lightning.

“General, you can't. I need-”

The general's eyebrows knit together, her expression growing stormy.

“I can and I _will_ , Commander. I do not make idle threats,” she snapped.

Poe blinked in shock.

“Turn this off, go for a walk. Have dinner with your boyfriend. When was the last time you two did more than say hello to each other?”

“General I-”

“No, Commander. No ifs. No buts either. _Out_. And if I catch you doing anything but relaxing for the next forty-eight hours, I will ground you for this mission. Do I make myself clear?”

Poe swallowed hard.

“Yes, General,” he said between clenched teeth. Nodding stiffly he picked up his datapad and left.

He stalked from the command bunker fuming, thoughts rattling incoherently in his head.

_How could the general- All he had been trying to-_

He was so lost in his own angry thoughts that he ran straight into Karé nearly knocking both of them down.

“Well you look like a right storm cloud” she said as she caught the look on his face while she was steadying them both. “Did Finn break up with you?”

“No it was-” Poe let out a long, slow breath trying to calm himself. “Never mind.”

The general had been right. There _was_ nothing more that could be done and he _should_ be resting along with everyone else. He had always been a bit of a perfectionist, but it wasn't like him to be this obsessive. Maybe it was because of how much was riding on this and on him.

The pain in his head jabbed again and he rubbed his temple.

“Just a headache,” he continued.

Karé studied him closely.

“Must be some headache,” she said drily. “You were looking like you could murder someone.”

“Yeah it... It's been coming and going.” He didn't like talking about it but he had never kept anything from Karé in his life. “Kalonia thinks it might be stress related.”

“And what are you doing about it?”

“I...” Poe could feel a blush creep into his cheeks. “I'm supposed to be taking it easy, but there haven't been much chance of that in the last two weeks have there?”

“And now?” she pointedly asked.

Poe felt his irritation flare again, but he forced himself to let go of it. He was not about to start biting at his oldest friend.

“I know. I know. Don't you start too. I just got ordered to relax.”

Karé chuckled.

“So are you going to obey that order?”

“Don't have much choice do I?” Poe smiled and shook his head. He really could do with a full night of sleep for one thing and then there was Finn.

“Can I interest you in a game of shock ball then? Jess and I are setting up teams, I could use a wing man.”

Poe thought for a moment.

“Some other time. I'm going to see if I can find my errant boyfriend instead.”

“You two are disgusting, just so you know,” Karé remarked.

“And you're jealous,” Poe retaliated.

“Completely,” Karé answered honestly.

Poe clapped a hand on her shoulder.

“Good luck with the game.”

Karé snickered. “Good luck with the boyfriend.”

 

**oOoOo**

 

Rey stretched out on the grass, the sun warming her body through her thin clothes.

Istyll was nearly as warm as Jakku, and Rey enjoyed not having to wear mutiple layers just to keep from feeling frozen solid.

After Finn had sent them all off she had spent a good hour meditating to clear her mind and find her focus. Then she'd tried to hunt down Luke for some last minute practice.

She knew Finn wanted them all to take it easy but... she was nervous. She'd never done anything on the scale that she had to on this mission before, not even close, so she wanted all the practise she could get.

A lot of the Resistance staff had volunteered and let her practice deflecting attention on them, but still going on board a Star Destroyer and deflecting the curiosity of possibly hostile enemy troops was something different than gently pushing aside the attention of someone friendly.

But Luke was nowhere to be found. Which when she thought about was the common state these days. Outside training with Finn and the rest of the team she had tried to get as much practice with Luke as she could, but he had proven to be a very hard to find man. It had got to the point where she'd even tried using the Force to find him. Unfortunately the Force made for a very bad tracking device, all she got was a sense that he was near but nothing on where he was.

He would then show up at random, looking very apologetic, and help her with her exercises. He was always so kind that it was hard for Rey to remain angry at him for his disappearances for very long.

Still it was frustrating. And mysterious. Where did he disappear to during those times? And why?

The sound of multiple loud voices approaching interrupted her thoughts and she looked up.

A group consisting mostly of the base's fighter pilots were gathering on the green between the bunkers. In the middle stood Karé and Jess, dividing the group into two.

Rey rose from the grass and slowly drifted closer.

“We're still one short,” a pilot Rey seemed to recall was named Bastian said. “Are you sure we can't talk Poe into playing? Or Finn?”

“Poe's definitely a no-show and I wouldn't try to wrangle Finn into it unless you want to discuss it with Poe. At length,” Karé replied.

Jess grinned. “So you're saying we shouldn't expect to see either of them today? At all?”

“Something like that.”

“So one of us are going to have to sit each match out, or we'll have uneven teams,” Bastian continued.

“Yeah, unless-” Karé broke off her words and Rey saw she noticed her.

Karé waved her over. “Wanna play?”

“What are you playing?”

“Shock ball.”

Rey shook her head. “Sorry, I don't know the rules.”

“Oh they're easy. You use these,” Karé held up a stick with what looked like a spoon at the end. “To throw the ball at the other players. It's mildly electrified and will stun you on a hit. Not for long, but once you go down you're out of the match. The team that has all it's players stunned first loses. Oh,” she said almost as an afterthought. “No punching the other players. You only get to hit them with the ball.”

“I didn't hit him on purpose, or that hard,” Jess muttered, looking awkward, though Rey wasn't sure if that was due to Karé's words or to seeing her.

Her first meeting with Jess had been slightly less epic than what Karé had led her to believe it would. Instead of an instant barrage of questions Jess had just blushed and muttered an awkward 'hello' before quickly disappearing. Rey hadn't been quite sure what to make of that and with everything going on she hadn't found the time to corner Jess and ask.

“Well, no hitting,” Karé continued. “Interested?”

Rey considered for a moment. She wasn't good at games. Her life hadn't left time for much more than survival even when Plutt was taking care of her, so she never really had time to learn any.

“Well, okay. If you don't mind having a bad player.”

Karé gave her a wide smile just as Jess blurted out, “but you're a Jedi.” Her comment was met with general mirth from the others. Rey just shook her head.

“I'm not a Jedi yet. And even if I were, we're not good at everything.”

“You can go at the same team Asy does,” Karé said, nodding towards the Bothan standing to the side. “That should even things out.”

Rey nodded. “Okay then.”

“Good, let's divide teams.”

 

**oOoOo**

 

The jungle clearing was quiet apart from the lazy hum of insects.

Luke was kneeling at the centre, fiddling with one of his training remotes. He was dressed only in a sleeveless tunic and pants, Istyll was far too hot for anything else. The almost sweltering heat was an odd change after all that time on Ach-To.

Ever since he had set foot on this planet he had desperately tried to get his son alone, but in the flurry of activity that had consumed the last two weeks he had found neither the time nor the opportunity. The few times he had managed to get close enough to Finn to talk to him there had always been other people around them and he did not want to tell his son about his past in full public.

When he had learned of his son's running routine it seemed like the opportune way of catching him alone. Luke had followed the path that his son appeared to run, that was how he had found the clearing.

The Force ran strong here and Luke wondered if his son's senses were awakened enough that he could feel it too, if he ever stopped here.

Unfortunately his plan to get Finn alone had come to naught. The hectic preparations had meant that Finn even cut off his training routine, morning run included. But Luke had still come here, both for the sense of peace here and for his own bit of practice.

He had let his lightsaber skills atrophy over the years, there had been little use for them after he dropped out of sight from the general galaxy, but it was clear that he would need them again now and sooner than he might expect. He didn't want his practice to create a spectacle and the clearing made for a nice private place for practicing.

Hence the training remotes, all seven of them. They too had been out of use for a long time and he hadn't realized how much recalibration they would need.

Finally getting the last remote fixed, Luke rose to his feet. He closed his eyes and he centered himself before reaching out in the Force, turning on the remotes as he drew and ignited his lightsaber.

They rose gracefully from the jungle floor, the low hum of their repulsorlifts mixing with the humming insects.

Luke sensed a faint warning flicker in the Force as one of the remotes fired a shot and his hand flashed up lightsaber blocking it. The remote opposite fired a fraction of a second later. Luke tilted the lightsaber blocking that shot too.

Faster and faster the shots came at him and he sank deeper into the Force to sense and counter the danger before it arose. Faintly he felt sweat running down his chest and back, soaking his shirt.

Luke lost all track of time lost in practice and the Force, and only paid scant attention to the world outside his circle of defense, still Finn's approach rang out like a bell. His presence was clear and vibrant, and faintly tainted with panic.

Luke didn't break his concentration or ended the exercise, but took care to deflect the shots in the opposite direction. While the stun bolts caused no real harm, but they stung like hell.

He sensed more than saw his son come to a dead stop just inside the clearing, staring. Obviously he had responded to the sound of blaster fire by rushing towards the assumed danger, but had not known what he would find at the end.

The timer on the remotes beeped softly to indicate the end of the session and they all assumed a static hovering position in a circle around Luke. Looking up he caught Finn's eyes across the clearing.

The young man stepped forward with an apologetic smile.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I heard blaster fire and I thought someone might be in trouble.”

“And you rushed to help even though you're unarmed.”

_You're so much like your mother._

“There wasn't time to go back to base and get one. I don't normally go running fully armed. The worst we have here are loth cat sized scavengers, but they generally steer clear of the area near the base now and when they don't shouting generally scares them away.”

Finn's gaze shifted to the still hovering remotes.

“You know, _that_ was impressive.”

Luke shook his head.

“I'm still rusty.” Luke knew how many near hits the remotes had had, how many of those shots he almost hadn't deflected in time. And as Han once had pointed out; good against remotes was one thing, good against the living another.

The thought of his old friend and what he would have said to all of this had he still been alive made Luke's chest hurt. His eyes stung with tears and he blinked hard to banish them.

Finn who was still studying the floating remotes hadn't noticed anything. He turned back to Luke with a small smile.

“If that is a Jedi Master when he's rusty I'm wondering how the Emperor managed to kill so many. Or Ky- Or anyone really.”

Luke finished in his head the name that Finn stopped himself from saying, Kylo Ren. It made him wonder what tales the First Order had told about the destruction of the new Jedi, about Kylo Ren's involvement in that and the subsequent hunt for any Force sensitive they could get their hands on.

Luke sighed.

“You don't defend yourself from the one you think is a friend,” he replied. “That is how the Emperor did it.” His voice grew quieter. “That's how Kylo Ren for that matter.”

“He's no one's friend, I doubt he ever was.”

Finn's voice was hard and filled with a vehemence that clashed with the young mans mundane appearance. Luke could feel a strong ire rise in his son then was mixed with guilt and sadness a moment later.

“I'm... sorry, I didn't mean it that way.”

For a second Finn caught his eye, then looked away again. “I know you probably see it differently, but... I have no cause to love him.”

 _And a whole lot to hate him_. The unspoken words hung in the air between them.

 _I know_ , Luke thought. _And even more so than you think._

Finn cleared his throat uncomfortable and stepped back.

“I'll... leave you to your practice.”

Luke felt the moment slip from this hands.

“Finn, a moment. I've been wanting to talk to you.”

A questioning frown formed on the young man’s face.

Luke felt a very unjedi like spike of nerves.

“I-”

He hesitated. The thought of Kylo Ren had changed his son from the radiant focus in the Force, to a swirling vortex of anger, fear and determination.

_How could he justify telling Finn the truth about him now, today? With him leaving tomorrow and needing all of his focus for his mission. How fair was it to tell him now, when he had no time to cope and it was this clear how much the thought of his cousin upset him._

There would never be a right time for this conversation, but now was certainly the worst possible. There would be time when Finn returned.

“Yes?” Finn prompted as he looked at Luke expectantly.

Luke made a snap decision. The story would have to wait, however much he wanted to tell his son doing so now was unfair to the young man. That of course left the problem of what to say _now_.

Luke stuck to a topic close to hand, it was after all related.

“You come out here often, don't you?” he asked.

Finn's brows knit together in confusion.

“Yes. It's... well it's a bit away from people, gives me time to think. And it's peaceful here.” A sudden wide grin spread on his face. “When people aren't using it for practice that is.”

Luke nodded.

“The Force run strong here. I think you sense that and that is why you're drawn here. It runs strong in you too.”

Finn blinked once, then burst out laughing. “I'm no Jedi.”

“No, not yet. But you have the power to be.”

As it dawned on the young man that Luke was being entirely sincere his grin gave way to a speculative expression. He turned slightly away, studying the still hovering remotes with intense interest and Luke sensed how the brief calm that his son had felt at the change of subject turned to conflict and uncertainty.

“I... I don't know what to say,” Finn finally said after several long moments of silence. “I just never...”

Luke put a hand on Finn's shoulder.

“I don't expect an answer from you at this moment, but I want you to consider it.”

The young man nodded.

“Yes, of course. I... Yes.”

Luke stepped back and let his hand fall away. There was nothing more to say. With a brief nod, Finn turned and left.

Luke remained silent as he watched his son go.

 

**oOoOo**

 

Poe kicked a pebble that had dared to lay in front of his boot. He had trawled from one end of the base to the other, but there had been no sign of Finn. Kaydel had said he had sent them all off but stayed behind in the shuttle, but there'd been no sign of him in the hangar either and no one knew where he'd gone.

Feel irritated and discontent Poe wondered what to do next. He had seen the other pilots play their game out on the grass, but hadn't felt like joining them.

Spotting a familiar orange and white form he suddenly smiled. Maybe BB-8 knew where Finn was.

Catching up with his small friend Poe called out. “Hey there, buddy.”

The droid gave an electronic huff and continued on its way.

“Beebeeate, wait up.” Poe overtook it and knelt down in front of it. “What's wrong?”

BB-8 stopped, but didn't answer. Instead it merely stared at him, dome ajar.

“Buddy what is it?”

_[Are we talking now? Because you haven't said a word to me for two weeks if it wasn't an order.]_

Poe opened his mouth to dispute that – of course he talked to BB-8 – only to find that he couldn't. He really hadn't uttered a word to the droid in the last two weeks that hadn't been an order of some kind and too often in a snappish tone.

He sighed and put a hand on BB-8's head.

“I'm sorry, buddy,” he said apologetically. “I think I've been a little out of sorts lately.”

General Organa had noticed, so had Karé _and_ BB-8, but he had missed it himself. _How had he been able to get that much beside himself and not notice?_

The droid titled its head the other way.

_[Are you angry?]_

“No! No, not at all. I... well I suppose I'm a little bit stressed about the upcoming attack.”

_[Maybe Finn could help?]_

Poe couldn't help laughing. That seemed to be BB-8's favorite solution to anything these days, ask Finn.

Not that Poe was complaining, he was glad that Finn and BB-8 got on as well as they did.

“Actually I was going to ask you if you had seen him? I've looked all over the base.”

BB-8 whistled an affirmative. _[I saw him head towards the jungle in his running clothes twenty two minutes ago.]_

Poe rubbed his chin. If Finn was at his usual speed then he should be back soon and he would probably want a shower in this heat, so Poe could just head back to their room and wait.

“Okay, thanks. Buddy, I promise I'll talk to you later okay?”

_[We can talk tomorrow. Go talk to Finn.]_

“I will.”

The droid bumped affectionately into Poe's leg before rolling off.

Poe straightened up as he watched BB-8 roll off.

 _Right, back to their quarters then. Or..._ A sudden idea struck him. _Maybe not directly._

Grinning widely Poe headed towards the mess.

 

**oOoOo**

 

Finn slowly made his way along the narrow trail back towards the base, his head even more filled with thoughts now than when he left it. Skywalker's words ran in an endless loop in his mind.

_The Force run strong here. It runs strong in you too._

_Was that the reason for his strange dreams? For why he sometimes felt... drawn, or pulled towards someone or something? Compelled in some fashion?_

If it was Finn wasn't sure he wanted it.

He'd had few chances to speak to Rey since she came back and while they hadn't talked much about her training or anything relating to the Force, Finn had noticed a change in her. Something was different from the girl he had met on Jakku, who had escaped Kylo Ren on her own. More focused and... powerful, but not in a way she fully controlled. Finn wasn't sure he wanted to change like that.

The jungle parted before him and the base came into view.

Finn sighed, pushing the thoughts away, it would have to wait. Right now he need a shower, something to eat and then his boyfriend, even if he had to wrestle him away from whatever he was doing. He'd be damned if he left without at least kissing Poe goodbye.

Their quarters were empty when he reached them, the late afternoon sun shining lazily through the window lighting the room in a golden glow.

Going into the fresher, Finn dropped his still damp running clothes in the hamper and stepped under spray of water. He had only just lathered his hair when he heard noises from the bedroom.

“Poe is that you?” he called.

“Yes.”

“Don't run off, I want to talk to you.”

“Not running anywhere, cariño.”

Finn felt a wide smile at the sound of the endearment, it had been too long since he'd heard it and he had missed it more than he realized.

A second later there came a loud thump and a groan from the other room, followed by a low curse.

“Are you okay?” Finn shouted. 

“ _Fine_.”

Finn heard what suspiciously sounded like furniture being dragged.

“Poe, are you moving furniture about?”

“Yes?”

“Why?”

“Finish up in there and you can come out and see.”

Curiosity piqued Finn rushed to finish, dried off hurriedly, before putting on pants and s shirt, and heading into the bedroom.

The curtains had been pulled so that the room was all but dark. The desk had been pulled out from the wall, covered with a table cloth and formally set.

Or at least Poe had made a good attempt at it without the resources to do it properly. Plates and cutlery had clearly been “borrowed” from the mess, the napkins were two of Poe's handkerchiefs, the candlesticks looked like they were parts for an X-Wing and Finn hadn't the first clue where Poe had manage to find actual candles, but he had. Poe was lighting them as Finn stepped into the room. The result was part hilarious and part utterly endearing.

“What is this?” he asked. !I mean, I can see it's a decked table. What I mean is, why?”

Poe took his hand and pulled him in for a kiss.

“You know, we've never been on a date. Unless you want to count getting shot down and having to camp in the wild and... I can't take you out to a real restaurant and pamper you, so I thought... that I could take the date to us?”

Finn felt a giddiness spread in him and smiled. “I'd like that.”

Poe smiled back. He looked a little tired to Finn, the lines in his face deeper than usual, but right now he also looked as happy as Finn felt.

“Okay. Let me go get the food.”

“I can help,” Finn offered.

“No. No stay here.” Poe gave him another quick kiss. “Let me. I... I been kinda an ass to everyone lately and... I want to make up for that.”

“We two have barely seen each other, you haven't had the time to be an ass to me.”

“That, the time missing, is part of what I want to fix.”

With a smile and another brief kiss Poe disappeared out the door, leaving Finn standing alone in their room with a silly grin on his face.

He sat down on one of the chairs next to the desk only to get back up again after a few seconds.

He felt strangely nervous and weird for feeling nervous. He and Poe had eaten together nearly every day since they got together and regularly even before that, there was nothing really _new_ about it. Still this felt different in a way that made Finn's heart beat too fast and put a silly grin on his face.

On a whim he got up and and went to the dresser. He pulled out one of the shirts from his uniform and a pair of uniform pants. Quickly he pulled off what he was wearing and changed.

Finn had only just got changed when Poe returned, carrying a laden tray. He stopped just inside the door and let his eyes run over his boyfriend before whistling softly.

“You didn’t have to change for this, but I _do_ appreciate it.” He set the trays on the table. “You look gorgeous.”

Finn felt heat creep up his neck as Poe put down the tray on the table and took his hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it.

“Thanks,” Finn said with a shy smile.

Poe grinned again. “Right, food.”

As they ate Finn realized that Poe tried to get a conversation going, but he constantly found his attention drifting off to his own conversation with Skywalker, what the man had said and the odd feeling that he had that something had been left out.

Finally Poe put his fork down frowning.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I-“ He immediately broke off not knowing how to continue. He wanted to tell Poe about it, but how did he do it? _‘Hey, Skywalker just told me I could become a Jedi’_ sounded not only conceited, but also very weird. If he was quite honest with himself he had an increasingly hard time believing that the conversation had taken place at all.

Finn sighed.

“I went for a run earlier and... I ran into Skywalker. We... talked.”

“About?”

“Not quite sure. Me, some of the time.”

“What about you?”

“It- I- Apparently I’m like Rey. I could be a Jedi.” There he’d said it out loud. That made it feel far more real, but also a lot more scary.

Poe reached out and took his hand, a smile in his eyes.

“Well, I knew you were special.”

Finn tangled his fingers in Poe’s.

“I’m not sure I want to be though. A Jedi I mean.”

Poe didn’t say anything, waiting for Finn to continue as he rubbed circles on the back of Finn’s hand with his thumb.

“It just... feels... I don't know- Okay, I’m scared. What Rey told, about the Force, about training, I'm not sure I'm ready for that right now. That I'll ever be.”

Poe worried his lip.

“Can I show you something?”

“Of course? What?”

Poe reached beneath his shirt and pulled out the small purse that hung on a leather string around his neck. Finn had meant to ask him about it on several occasions, but whenever he saw it he somehow always ended up distracted and forgot.

Poe handed over the purse.

“Open it.”

Finn worked the string open and dropped the content into his palm. It was a small, smooth, amber colored object, no longer than the first knuckle of his thumb and slightly less wide. It felt warm in his hand and oddly welcoming.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I never told you about the Force tree behind my parent's ranch did I?”

Finn shook his head.

“Back just before my mama mustered out of the Republic army, she went with Luke Skywalker on one last mission to retrieve a tree with a strong connection to the Force that the Emperor had stolen from the Jedi temple on Coruscant. Skywalker had only expected there to be one tree, but they found two in the Imperial facility. He gave one of them to my mama since she helped him.”

“Wow.”

“My parents planted it behind their ranch on Yavin. My mama always swore she could feel the Force when she was near it, a sense of calm and tranquility. After she died, I sometimes went out to sit beneath it and every time I went there I could feel that too. This,” Poe touched the small amber piece that still lay in Finn's palm. “Is a piece of resin that dropped off that tree. I've been carrying it for years as a good luck charm and every time I touch it, I feel the same way I did when I sat under that tree back home.”

Poe licked his lips.

“I don't know why the Force feels different to Rey. Maybe it does if you're strong enough to be a Jedi, but to me it always felt like well, home.”

Finn ran his thumb over the small lump, recalling how he felt when he sat in the clearing, calm and balanced. Maybe there was another reason Rey felt like she did, because what he had felt there was more akin to what Poe described. Still.

“I'm still not sure that I want to,” Finn said after a moments consideration.

“And I'm not saying that you should,” Poe replied. “That choice is yours and whatever you decide I'll support you. I just wanted you to have another side to the matter.”

Finn nodded, put the piece back in its purse and handed it back to Poe, who put it around his neck again.

“Thank you for telling me about it.”

Poe smiled.

“I'd like to show you the real tree some day, not just this. And my parent's ranch.”

“I'd like to come see it,” Finn said, smiling in return.

For a while they ate in silence, but now it was a comfortable one. Just as they were finishing up Finn looked around, suddenly realising who was missing.

“Wait. Where's Beebeeate?”

“Off doing droid things. I think he wanted us to have a night alone. He seemed to think one might fix me up so I felt better..”

“I didn't realize I had a fan.”

“You're Beebeeate's favorite person, you know.”

“After you.”

“Sometimes I do wonder about that.”

“Don't worry,” Finn joked as Poe started clearing the table. “I won't make off with your droid.”

“Thank you,” Poe replied dryly. “I kinda need him.”

Finn stepped up behind Poe, wrapped his arms around his waits and nuzzled his neck. He felt Poe sigh.

“You want something?” Poe asked.

“Mmm.”

“What?”

“Turn around and let me show you.”

Poe turned so they were nose to nose.

“Right, what now then?”

“Let's see.”

Finn titled his head and brushed his lips across Poe's before going for a deeper kiss. Finn felt Poe softly hum into his mouth and his hands slowly caress his back. He let him own hands begin to tug at the hem of Poe's shirt as he continued to kiss him.

“You want my shirt to come off?” Poe asked, breaking away from the kiss.

Finn felt his heart rate spike and his face heat as his nerves decided to make themselves known. He'd been thinking about what he was about to ask for a while and he really wanted it, but now that he was about to ask for real he couldn't help being nervous.

“Erm, I want everything to come off.”

Poe pulled back, his eyebrows raising.

“Everything?”

Finn nodded, his heart beating even faster.

“Poe I- I want to have sex with you before I leave tomorrow.”

There, he'd said it.

Poe cupped Finn's cheek.

“We can wait you know.”

Finn shook his head.

“No. Or, I don't want to because... Poe, if something happens I want us to have shared this at least once.”

“Finn-” Poe started, but Finn broke him off by putting a finger on his lips.

“Don't. You can't promise nothing will happen to us. What we're about to do, that's dangerous. And not everyone is going to come back alive. No one can guarantee that it won't be us.”

He curled his fingers around Poe's chin.

“If you don't want to I won't push you. But I really. Really. Want this.” Finn punctuated each of his words with a kiss.

Poe smiled.

“Okay. But let me lock the door, we don't want a repeat of last time just in case Beebeeate changes his mind.”

Finn laughed.

“Good thinking.”

Finn quickly stripped out of shirt and pants, but kept on his briefs, as Poe locked the door. When Poe turned back his eyes went a little wide seeing Finn standing half naked.

“Come on,” Finn said with mock exasperation. “It's not something you haven't seen before. Or touched.”

“No,” Poe admitted as he pulled the half naked Finn into his arms. “But there is a little difference.” He buried his face at Finn's neck and gave it a brief nuzzle and a nibble. “This time I get more than touch.”

Poe''s words were slightly heated and the roughness in his voice made Finn shiver in anticipation.

“You're overdressed you know.”

Poe stepped back.

“You're right. Let's get this show on the road.”

Quickly and efficiently he stripped down all the way. Finn let his eyes slide over Poe broad shoulders and muscled chest, the soft bump that was forming around his belly, but stopped short of going lower. He had never taken his time to really _look_ at another naked man, certainly not one he was heads over heels for, and found himself unaccountably shy, despite this being Poe whom he'd already seen naked a dozen time coming into or out of the fresher.

“I won't bite,” Poe said, probably noticing his sudden fidgeting.

“I know,” Finn replied, ducking his head. “It's, well you're naked.”

“That was the plan, wasn't it? But you're not. Now if you strip down completely we both have equal opportunity to feel awkward about it.”

Finn chuckled, feeling the tension ease out of him. Hooking his thumbs inside the waistband of his brief he pulled them down and stepped out of them.

He saw Poe's eyes slowly glide over him, stopping briefly looking at his dick before gliding onwards down his legs.

“Feeling awkward?” Finn asked.

“Nope. May have to do it again, don't think I did it right the first time,” Poe quipped.

Finn grabbed his arm, pulled him in and kissed him silent.

“Moon jockey,” he whispered fondly against his lips.

“Mmm, but I'm your moon jockey.”

“You are.”

Poe's naked skin felt electrifying against Finn's, as did the feel of his cock that was slowly hardening as they kissed.

“Bed?” Finn asked. “Doing this standing up feels like the advanced course and I really like to get the basics down first.”

“Bed it is.”

Finn lay down on his back. Poe moved to lie next to him, but Finn gently tugged on his arm and got him to lie down on top of him instead. He was developing a fondness for feeling Poe's weight press him down.

The kissing resumed for several minutes and though it was nothing they hadn't done hundreds of times already Finn felt himself getting increasingly heated and aroused, even more so as he felt Poe respond in turn.

Poe tipped Finn's head back and started passionately kissing his neck.

“Any specific requests?” he asked, words muffled against Finn's skin. “Or do we just see where this heads?”

“Yeah, one. If you want to, I mean.”

Poe looked up.

“What?” he prompted gently.

“Erm, I...” Finn slowly let out a breath, composing himself. “I really want you to fuck me.”

A wide grin immediately spread on Poe's face.

“Yeah.”

“Really?” Finn felt a weight he hadn't been aware of lift from his chest. “I thought I'd have to do a bit of convincing.”

“No. I'd love to. Not tonight though, I don't have what we need and I refuse to hurt you. But _yes_.”

Finn bit his lip.

“About that?”

He shifted Poe off him and shuffled around so he could root in the top drawer of the nightstand. He found the slender tube that he sought and held it out to Poe.”

“We don't have to if you'd rather wait, but we do have what we need.”

Poe laughed happily and kissed Finn warmly on the mouth.

“I love a man who believes in coming prepared,” he said as he took the tube from Finn's hand with a kiss. “And we're definitely doing this.”

 

**oOoOo**

 

Their ball game had gone on almost till sunset, so when the pilots and Rey finally got to the mess it was nearly empty.

Rey silently slipped down on the corner of one of the benches, concentrating on her food. She felt worn out by the game in ways she'd never felt surviving on Jakkuannd the chatter from the pilots was almost too much, but Rey didn't want to leave just yet. She'd enjoyed their company, even Jess had warmed up and started chatting once she realised that while Rey had good hand-eye coordination, she was still human and a hit from the ball would take her down.

“Ugh, I hate nerf steak,” she heard Bastian comment.

Rey swallowed the bite of meat she was chewing.

“I think it's delicious.”

“You think overcooked Idran root tastes good.”

“Yes,” she replied defensively. It was edible and wasn't bland, of course it was good.

Bastian was about to reply when he suddenly started with a loud yelp. He shot Karé a sharp frown as he protectively cradled his ankle.

“Kun!”

“Shut up, Bastian,” Karé retaliated before turning to Rey. “I apologize for him.”

“It's okay,” Rey said.

“Anyone up for a game when we're done eating?” Jess interrupted.

“I don't think I could run anymore today,” Rey answered. “Not if I need to move about tomorrow.”

“I didn't mean shock ball, I was thinking of cards or holohess. Ever played sabacc?”

“Oh no Jess, you're not ripping a young girl off,” Karé said.

“I'm not going rip her off,” Jess protested.

“Jess, you forget I know how you play.”

“She's a Jedi, if anything she could rip me off.” Jess sounded half playful, half petulant.

Karé rolled her eyes.

“I think I'll just watch the rest of you play,” Rey interjected, wanting to solve this before it became a large argument over nothing. “I've already learned one game and my head feels stuffed.”

“Are you sure?” Jess asked. “We could just play for snacks or something.”

“I'm sure.”

“Count me out,” Snap said. “I need my bed.”

“Yeah, the geriatrics needs their rest,” Karé quipped.

Snap gave her a mock frown. “I'm not that much older than you.”

“Only a decade and a half, what's that between friends.”

All the men bowed out leaving only Karé, Jess, the bothan pilot Asy and Wina a human pilot from Stiletto Squadron.

“Ladies night,” Jess commented with glee. “Means I can take the kid gloves off then. Men get so emotional when they lose. Right girls, lets break out the cards and play.”

 

**oOoOo**

 

Finn was snoring softly as he napped, head propped up on Poe's shoulder. Poe supposed that he should put him down on the pillow, this position was likely to put a crick in his neck, but he enjoyed the warmth of Finn's body pressed against his too much and it gave him an excellent view of his lover, the curve of his naked shoulder and firmly toned muscle of his bare legs.

There was a soft smile on Finn's lips as he slept, he had been smiling since they'd had sex. Well at first Finn had had a very dumb, wide grin on his face, but it had gentled into a smile as he'd cuddled up against Poe in the afterglow.

It shouldn't have surprised Poe that Finn was a post-sex cuddler, the man was always up for a hug or a snuggle almost no matter what time or place, so it made sense.

He looked so peaceful as he slept, open and unguarded. And young, too young for any of what he had been through, for all that Poe feared was yet to come.

Arms tightening around Finn's shoulders, Poe dropped a kiss on the top of his head. He knew there was no way he could protect Finn from harm, nor that his boy friend _needed_ protection, but that didn't stop him from wanting to keep anything bad to happened to Finn ever again. But in the morning Finn would head off with his team to infiltrate the Star Destroyer and bring down its shields, and a few hours later Poe and his pilots would head off the rendezvous with Admiral Statura and launch their attack. And Finn was right, neither could guarantee coming back.

Poe had never wanted dawn to come _less_ than now.

_Finn my friend, my lover, my soldier, my maybe Jedi, I can't lose you._

Poe tightened his arms around Finn hard enough that the man stirred. Grunting Finn stretched and snuffled against Poe's neck.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“Not that late, you can sleep some more if you want.”

Finn raised his head and rubbed his eyes.

“No,” he said, voice rough with sleep. “Didn't mean to sleep at all, want to make most of the time we have,” he continued as he scattered kisses over Poe's neck.

Poe snorted.

“You may have to wait a bit. I'm not twenty any more.”

“We can make out?”

The hopeful note in Finn's voice made Poe banish all worries to a later time, there were more important things right now.

“Yeah, we can make out,” he answered, kissing the top of Finn's head again.

 

**oOoOo**

 

Night had fallen covering the base in its deep darkness by the time Rey and Karé left the mess after Karé had forcibly kicked the other pilots to bed with orders to rest. They walked together in silence, the warm night air enveloping them.

“Nervous?” Karé asked just before they reached the residential bunker. “About tomorrow I mean?”

“A little. I try not to think about it too much. Growing up on Jakku taught me one thing. Worrying about tomorrow gets you nothing but a restless night, which makes it harder to survive the next day. I'll deal with what I find when I get there.”

“Sensible.”

They stopped in front of the door to Rey's room

“Well goodnight.” Karé bent down a kissed Rey's cheek. “And good luck.”

Rey stood and watched not moving until Karé had disappeared around the corner of the corridor. Stepping inside her room Rey touched her cheek where Karé had kissed it. Jedi's supposedly didn't believe in luck, but Rey didn't mind Karé sharing hers

 

**oOoOo**

 

The early morning light flooding through the open hangar doors lit the interior mechanism of the freighter Poe was working on, clearly illuminating the loose connection that made the shield inverters glitch. It was make work that could easily wait or be taking care of by someone else, but he needed to be doing something right now.

“Beebeeate, would you mind handing me the pylon driver?”

He held out his hand behind him, but was met with silence. He turned and found BB-8 looking at him, dome aslant.

“Are you still mad at me?”

_[Aren't you going to say goodbye to Finn?]_

“We said goodbye earlier this morning.”

They'd both agreed that it was easier. Or Poe had agreed and Finn hadn't raised any objections. Poe wasn't sure how he'd handle standing there watching the shuttle fly off, not knowing if he'd ever see Finn again. He'd never dated anyone in active service before so it had never been an issue before.

Which was why he was here, up to his elbows in lateral inverters, so he had a good excuse for not going out there and look.

_[What if he doesn't come back?]_

Poe swallowed. That was why he didn't want to go out there. The thought had kept going over and over in his mind since last night, giving him a restless night, and he feared that if he went out there he'd have a break down.

He clutched his amulet, trying to invoke that sense of calm it usually gave him but without luck.

_Finn had to come back alright._

His fingers twirled around the amulet's cord and Poe raised the pouch to his eyes a stray thought suddenly striking him.

_Maybe... Yes._

“You know Beebeeate,” he said aloud. “You're right. We should go say goodbye to Finn.”

The droid gave a series of happy beeps.

Out on the landing field Poe found the shuttle ready for take off. Finn stood in front of it, back towards Poe, already dressed in Stormtrooper armor, his helmet tucked under his arm.

“Finn! Finn,” Poe called out as he ran up to him slightly out of breath.

Finn turned, revealing general Organa's tiny form.

“General, I'm sorry. I just-”

“It's quite alright, Commander,” the general interrupted him gently. “The captain and I were done. Good luck, Captain.”

With a nod to Finn she walked away. Poe exhaled slowly. Clearly she wasn't still angry with him any more, that was a relief. Then he pushed it out of his mind for the moment.

He pulled the amulet over his head.

“Finn I want you to take this. You'll need it.”

Finn stared.

“Poe, I- I can't. It's yours. You-”

“I want you to. I'd feel a whole lot better if you took it.”

He proffered it towards Finn.

“Please.”

Finn stared at it for a moment before speaking.

“Poe. Listen. Either this goes off without a hitch and we all make it out just fine. And if things goes south? Then not all the luck in the galaxy will save us. Either case, I won't need it. _You_ will be up there with laser bolts flying all around you. You'll be the one who needs the luck.”

Finn put a gloved hand around Poe's and closed his fingers around the amulet.

“Listen, I'll make you a deal okay?” Finn continued. “I'll accept it when we get back. That way-” Finn's voice broke a little. “That way I have to come back to get it. And you have to come back to give it to me. Okay?”

Poe blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the tears that was forming in his eyes.

“Okay,” he said, his own voice sounding choked. He pulled his hand out of Finn's grip and put the amulet back around his neck.

“You know this bring back memories,” he went on, tapping Finn's armor with one finger, trying to put a bit a levity into his voice.

“Yeah, I guess it does.” Finn only sounded even more sad than before.

“Not all of them bad. I never thought Stormtrooper's could be hot before I saw you without your helmet. First thought when you took that thing off.”

“First?” Finn sounded dubious.

“Well, second. First was 'who the krif is this guy?'. Second was definitely 'oh no, he's hot'.”

Finn chuckled even if it sounded slightly strained. “I'm not sure I believe you, but it's a cute story.”

Suddenly feeling overwhelmed with emotions, Poe pulled Finn into a tight hug. The armor was hard and uncomfortable to hug, but Poe didn't care. The embrace was returned just as fiercely and after a moment it became a kiss. Poe could taste salt on Finn's lips, but if it was Finn crying or himself he wasn't sure.

“Take care, you hear me,” he said when he broke away.

“I will.”

Poe stepped back.

“You better go before I break down completely.”

Finn nodded and looked down at BB-8 who had rolled up beside them.

“You look after him and yourself okay?”

The droid beeped and Finn gave it a brief pat on the dome. Then he turned and walked up into the shuttle, the ramp closing behind him.

Poe turned on his heel and started back towards the hanger, but turned when he heard the shuttle's engines kick in. He watched as the angular shuttle rose gracefully from the ground and angled towards the sky. Suddenly he felt cold and he couldn't stop shaking.

BB-8 beeped worriedly beside him, bumping into his leg. He wanted to comfort his friend, but all his words seemed to stick in his throat.

“He'll be fine,” general Organa said as she walked up next to him and took his arm. “He will.”

Something in her tone made it hard to dispute her words and a weight lifted from his chest.

“Thank you, general.”

They watched together in silence as the shuttle grew smaller and smaller, before vanishing altogether against the blue sky

 

**oOoOo**

 

The hatch closed behind Finn with a whine. He licked his lips, tasting Poe one final time before putting everything but the mission out of his head.

He entered the cockpit, helmet under his arm. Rey was seated at the controls with Sai in the co-pilot's seat.

“Ready for take off?”

“Yes, sir,” Keet said.

“Not sir, not anymore. Not until this mission is over. Until then you, me, Olez and Connix are troopers. Nothing more. The only officer here is Rey.” He looked at Rey. “Ma'am, when you're ready.”

Rey sent him a half shy look. She'd been strangely silent all morning, but he had no time to address it now it would have to wait.

“Buckle up everyone,” Rey said.

Finn slipped into one of the passenger's seats and put on his helmet. He swallowed hard as his world once more became filtered through the sensors and tried hard to suppress all the memories that brought with it.

 

**oOoOo**

 

Luke stood shielded in the shadows from the jungle, looking at the landing field and the people standing in front of the shuttle.

He watched as Shara's son ran up to his own son and pulled him away from the entry ramp, watched their passionate discussion and how it ended in a fierce hug and lingering kiss, before Finn disentangled himself and boarded the shuttle. And he remained there in silence watching until the shuttle had vanished from view.

He had made the right choice in maintaining his silence, this was not the time for Finn to learn. And if his son held it against him when he did learn then Luke could live with that. Putting his son under undue stress at a critical time, a time where distractions might mean his death, he could not.


End file.
